Promoting Women's Issues

These were good days for the show. Each morning we would greet the new day with news and information that was useful to the listeners in the Fourstates. I recall that, back in the day, MSSU President Dr. Meahn Julio Dahnbuydeskolyard was a favorite guest. Here is the transcript from one of his visits. He came on just after I wrapped up the news.

Jen: And finally in the news this hour, I have to tell you about the sad and sordid story of a young husband who was tired of constantly being broke and who was stuck in an unhappy marriage. He solved both problems by taking out an unusually large insurance policy on his wife and then arranging to have her killed. A friend of a friend put him in touch with a nefarious underworld figure, who went by the name of Artie.

Artie explained to the husband that his going price for whacking a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed done dirt cheap.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the Wal-Mart store, there off of Rangeline and 15th. There, he surprised her in the produce department and the villain proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. This morning in the Joplin Globe the headline says it all: “ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!”

Mack Man: Thank you, Jen.

Ceri: With us this morning is Dr. Meahn Julio Dahnbuydeskolyard.

Meahn Julio: Good morning!

Mack Man: Meahn Julio is the President of Missouri Southern, and I believe you have an exciting announcement for us.

Meahn Julio: Yes, I sure do! I am here to announce new Summer Classes for Women at Southern.

Ceri: This is so exciting! What classes do you have?

Meahn Julio: Let me run down the list: Class 1: Up in Winter, Down in Summer - How to Adjust a Thermostat Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 wks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.

Ceri: Sounds like some lessons that we gals need for sure!

Meahn Julio: Class 2: Which Takes More Energy - Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Griping About It for 3 Hours? This is a Round Table Discussion.Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Jen: I may sit in on that one...no pun intended!

Meahn Julio: Class 3: Is It Possible To Drive Past a Wal-Mart Without Stopping?--Group Debate. Probably our most controversial class. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Mack Man: My mother in law definitely needs to attend that one!

Meahn Julio: Class 4: How to Ask Questions During Commercials and Be Quiet During the Program. This includes Help Line Support and Support Groups.Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Ceri: This is getting seriously into women’s issues! That class is going to be a hard one! But it sure is one that soooo many women need!

Meahn Julio: Class 5: Health Watch--They Make Medicine for PMS - USE IT! Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Mack Man: That is the most important class! This is the class that might actually save lives!

Meahn Julio: Class 6: I Was Wrong and He Was Right!--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined. Also this year we are adding Class 7: How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes Without an Insurance Claim. We will, of course, feature Driving Simulations...4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. There will be an elective to that course, which is Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windshield. If you enroll for that, it meets Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined. And finally Class 8: How to Shop by Yourself. Meets 4 wks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Mack Man: Our thanks to Missouri Southern for its great service to the Fourstates and to mankind!


Chrisman, Jennifer Mack Man and Ceri: the Radio Show That Saved Humanity. New York: Random House, 2031